I think I can say it without jinxing us. We are now happily post colic.
Shit. She’s crying. Shit.
Kidding, she’s snoozing!
Matilda’s colic disappeared after we had her tongue tie released. We are still having some troubles with that and it’s still too raw for me to write about. But I will get to it when I feel I’m ready.
I’m in a support group on Facebook for mums with bubs with colic and a lot of mums talk about having PTSD from colic. I can vouch for this and say I can see how it can happen. Sometimes when Matilda will have a legitimate meltdown because she’s hungry or tired I can feel myself tensing and thinking oh shit, here we go again. Then I remember it’s been three hours since she slept or ate!
I thought I would put together a list of tips to survive colic – because we all know how awesome MORE advice is…
How to survive colic
1. Purchase a fit ball.
You know those massive balls we all have in the garage from when we were really going to focus on our core? Dig it out. And get bouncing. I would bounce the absolute crap out of Matilda and sometimes she would even stop screaming and fall asleep. Even if she didn’t, at least I was working on my summer body. You know, for NEXT summer when I might actually be able to leave the house.
2. Get fit.
This mainly relates to if you’re pregnant, because if you’ve already had your colicky baby you will not have time you’re in the thick of it.
Do a thousand squats a day, and when you feel like you can’t do anymore, do a thousand more. Refer to point 1 if you’re wondering why. This might help you prepare for the hours of bouncing and rocking and patting you’ll be doing for the next 3 months.
Also throw in some arm work. You’ll be carrying your baby all the time. Plus Nate discovered this ridiculous swing action that Matilda loved every so often – it was like the most exaggerated football pass you’ve ever seen and I’m sure sometimes he thought about just letting her go and watching her fly out the window.
3. Find something that works and then find 10 other things as well
If you find something that soothes your baby – awesome. But make sure you have a list of about 10 other things just in case because I can guarantee you when you try it again they will hate it.
4. Buy every over the counter colic product and then pour them in the kitchen sink.
I know some people swear by gripe water, infants friend, Infacol etc but for us I don’t think they did anything. They’re basically just sugar water so maybe you could make yourself a cocktail to cope with your baby SCREAMING for eight hours straight.
5. Make sure you have a supportive group of friends.
Make plans to see friends often. Then cancel these plans, as I can guarantee your baby will decide to have the worst day on the day you make said plans.
If you have a supportive group of friends they will forgive you for constantly cancelling on them. Plus they should be grateful you won’t subject them to your baby’s screams.
6. Take up drinking.
Even if you haven’t before, now is your time to enjoy some booze.
Seriously, every afternoon I would crack a beer in celebration that I had made it through another day without trying to return my daughter to the hospital where she was born.
7. Invest in earplugs.
Nate and I finally got to a point where we busted out the earplugs. I don’t know why we didn’t do this earlier. Noise cancelling headphones would work well too. Not only will it block out the screaming it’ll also block out the white noise you purchased on a ridiculously overpriced app.
8. Take shifts.
In the beginning when Matilda was an angel baby – this lasted for about two weeks, Nate would lovingly get up with me and get me water and just be awake while I fed Matilda to keep me company.
We soon learnt if we were going to survive without killing each other we had to take shifts of sleeping and rocking our baby.
Ladies, if your partner works – they should also do shifts in the night. They get an escape by getting to go to work everyday – hand that baby over to them, pour yourself a colic calm cocktail and try and relax.
9. If you’re breastfeeding, go vegan.
Go vegan because a) it’s better for you ;) and b) the list of foods you are told you shouldn’t eat as they are the cause of your baby’s colic is pretty much a vegan diet and it’s of course somehow your fault that your baby is colicky.
I can make light of these things now and I’m sure there’s many more I could list but if you’re currently in the thick of colic it’s the real deal. I definitely think I had some symptoms of postnatal depression and why shouldn’t I have? I had just completely lost my identity by becoming a new mum and my poor baby wouldn’t stop screaming at me and there was nothing I could do to help her.
I used to hate it when people would say this but it DOES get better.
I don’t know when – but it will. Know any 7 year olds with colic?